


If You're Reading This

by orphan_account



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Death, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-18
Updated: 2018-12-18
Packaged: 2019-09-22 10:58:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17058518
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Two weeks ago, you lost your husband, the love of your life, Dean Winchester.  Now, as you go through some of his things, you find some letters that he wrote, just in case this happened.





	If You're Reading This

You took a ragged breath as you pulled the box out of the closet.  You put this off for two weeks…you couldn’t wait anymore, at least that was what Sam said.  He said you needed to do this, Dean would want you to do this. 

 

So, you pulled out the box that was always in the back right corner of the closet.  Dean never kept much, he wasn’t very sentimental, but he had this box.  This box with all of his memories that mattered.  All of the moments he wanted to remember. 

 

Your heart broke and the tears started to fall down your cheeks as you looked inside with a smile.  The first picture you saw was a picture of your ‘wedding’.  It wasn’t a traditional one, Dean was legally dead, but that didn’t stop him from convincing Sam and Cas to decorate the clearing in the woods outside the bunker and make it special for the two of you.  You both prepared vows, and Cas officiated, saying words in Enochian.  Cas told you that those words bound your soul and Dean’s.  The two of you would never be apart again.

 

Cas was wrong.

 

All it took was one well-placed hex bag…one little bag, and your world was shattered. 

 

You kept pulling little things out of the box as you cried.  Your heart broke more with every object.  The worst was when you held up a small box.  You knew what was in it.  You gave it to him five months ago.  Opening it, you saw the positive pregnancy test. 

 

Dean was so excited when he saw it.  He said, “I got the girl of my dreams, and I get to be a daddy too?!”  But now…

 

You laid your hand over your stomach and let out a hard sob.  Dean would never meet her.  You told him only a couple weeks before the hunt that it was a girl.  He told you before he left that this one would be his last for a while.  He would stop hunting until he got a house, and the two (soon to be three) of you would have a peaceful life.  You knew he would never stop hunting completely, but you were happy he was willing to cut back.

 

Little did he know that when he left for the hunt that morning, it was going to be his last. 

 

More and more memories came out of the box, the picture of him and Mary when he was a boy, that silver ring he wore back when.  But that was when you saw an envelope at the bottom of the box, and your heart stopped.

 

_The last words of Dean Winchester_

Your vision blurred as you picked it up.  When you flipped it over to open it up, you saw that there was a date on the envelope.  It was dated the day before he left.  There were some other dates listed, but they had been scratched out.  You took a couple ragged breaths, trying to prepare yourself for whatever this letter held.

 

With a broken heart and trembling hands, you opened the envelope and pulled out a couple different letters.  Each was dated, the first was the day of your wedding.

 

_Riley,_

_If you’re reading this, then I’m gone.  I don’t know how it happened, but I didn’t make it back. Right now, it is the morning of our wedding.  I woke up and thought how dangerous this life can be.  I don’t ever want to leave you, but the reality is, that someday I will have to.  So I decided to write this, so you know…_

_There is so much that I wish we could have shared, baby.  I don’t even care if we were old and wrinkly, and you need glasses to read this, but I know that I never got to hold you enough, kiss you enough.  What I would give to kiss you one last time.  Hold you in my arms at night, tell you I love you.  I’m so sorry, baby.  I’m sorry that you have to go on without me.  But just know, that I love you.  I will always love you.  I may have laid down my gun and hung up my boots, but I will always watch over you._

_Dean_

 

 

The tears fell from your face to the letter.  You couldn’t take the heartbreak, but even so, you set it down and grabbed the next one.  It was a few months ago.  You recognized the date, the day you gave him that positive pregnancy test.  You could see some stains on the paper from where he must have cried onto it, smudging the ink just slightly.  You took a deep breath and wiped your eyes, starting to read the love of your life’s goodbye.

 

_Riley,_

 

_If you’re reading this, then I’m gone.  God, baby, I hope you never have to read this one, but in this life, you never know.  I’m writing this one, and it will be replace with a different one after our baby is born.  But just in case…I’m so sorry baby.  I’m so sorry I won’t be there when our little one is born.  I won’t be there to hold your hand, to hear her first cry, to see her first step…_

_But baby, please, tell her (I hope it’s a little girl, just like you).  Tell her I love her, more than anything.  That Daddy may not be there right now, but he will always watch over her from some place better._

_I hope she looks like you.  I hope she fights like me…scrappy, never willing to let the bad guys get the upper hand.  I know you will teach her everything.  You will teach her how to stand up for herself and others.  You will teach her that recipe you love to cook for me.  You will teach her all the things that I can’t.  It will be hard, but please, baby, be strong, for me._

_I’ve already told Sam…but if you can.  On her (or his) sixteenth birthday.  Give her the keys to the Impala.  I hope Sam is there, he can keep her running.  It is really the only thing I can give her.  And my jacket.  That leather one, the one that was my dad’s, that too.  Please._

_I’m so sorry, baby.  I’m so sorry I won’t be there for you and our kid.  But know that, wherever I go, I will have you in my thoughts.  I love you, Riley._

_Dean._

It was all you could do to just breathe.  You clutched the letter to your chest, trying to stop the sobs.  It hurt, all over, to think of raising your baby girl with her daddy.  Dean would have made an amazing dad, you knew it.  But he wasn’t given that chance.  There was one last letter from the envelope…dated the day he left.

 

_Riley,_

_I woke up this morning and you were having a nightmare.  You just managed to fall back asleep, but…I can’t shake this strange feeling.  So I wanted to write you another letter.  I just read over the other two…I knew we were going to have a little girl.  And if you’re reading this, then I won’t be there for her, or you._

_I know you are hurting right now.  You probably punched Sam, screamed at Cas, but know it wasn’t their fault.  It was no ones, except the asshole who killed me.  But even then, I need you to promise me you won’t go after them.  Let me rest in peace, baby.  I’m in a better place, where I can finally have my apple pie life.  And some day, and it better not be soon, you will be there with me._

_Remember that Enochian thing Cas did at the wedding.  He told me that it made us soul mates.  That no matter what happened, we would find each other in our heavens.  But no rush, I can wait.  I love you, Ri.  And I’ll miss you, so much, but I know that someday, you will walk through the door, and I will have you forever after that._

_So, I need you to do something for me.  I need you to make a funeral pyre and burn my body.  But if I can ask…I gave Sam a locket.  It is a special one, where you can put ashes in it and seal it up.  I made it out of a shell casing from my gun.  Would you wear it for me, baby?  And when our little girl misses me, give it to her.  Tell her that I am always with her.  Just like I will always be with you.  I love you.  Goodbye._

_Dean._

“S-.”  You chocked on air, trying so hard to keep yourself from dying of heartbreak.  “Sam!”  You cried out between sobs.  You let yourself go, crying as hard as you could as you pulled the letters close, the last words of Dean Winchester. 

 

Sam didn’t say a word, he just walked in and sat next to you.  He reached into his pocket and pulled out the necklace.  You reached out and held it in your hand and cried.  This was it.  This box, these letters, this necklace, your soon-to-come baby, was all you had left of Dean.  You closed your eyes and leaned against Sam, sobbing into his shoulder. 

 

You could feel his chest move as he cried silent tears of his own.  Something brushed your arm, making you look up.  You saw Castiel standing over you, draping Dean’s leather jacket over your shoulders before he took up the spot on your other side. 

 

And there the three of you sat, for hours, looking through the memories of the fallen brother, friend, husband, and father. 


End file.
